What is your definition of success?
Good question, isn’t it? According to television commercials, being successful is about wearing the right clothes, driving a certain car, using specific cologne, going to a secret holiday resort, etc.
Do you believe that? I hope not, because in my experience listening to people that have done that (thought that success is something you can purchase at the mall), it isn’t so.
What makes you feel successful? What is that ‘thing” that is eluding you, which once you achieve it then you will successful? What are your “rules” about success?
“I will be successful when……..!” or
“If I have………, then I will be successful.”
How did you learned what success is? When did you choose which believe to adopt in regard to success?
Are you trying to be successful to prove something to someone?
Are you telling yourself that is too late to be successful? That you will never be successful?
(If you do not know what your beliefs about success are, get your free copy of the Belief Buster Workbook now!)
I am going to make a guess, about your beliefs. I think that if you are not feeling successful right now, as you are, it is because you bought into a false premise. Most people have! And it goes something like this:
“When I have (X), then I can do (X) and I will be (X)!”
Let me give you some examples;
“When I have more money, then I can buy a bigger house and I will be happy”.
“When I have a better job, then I can manage people and I will be respected”.
“When I have my own business, then I can do what I want and I will be free”.
The premise with this way of thinking is that first we have to “HAVE’ something, so that we can “DO” something and that will enable us to “BE” something.
If you think about it, everything we have and do serves the function to make us “feel” something.
The purpose of everything we do is to either “feel” or “avoid feeling” a certain emotion.
The fact is that if we believe that the feeling will come from what we have or do, it is a false premise. Because you end up giving control of how you feel to something external.
What you have, may not be there tomorrow. And something may come up to prevent you from doing something.
You see this everyday in people’s life.
Some people attach their being “successful” or “happy” to having money, and then the money is lost, stole or wiped out by the stock market.
Some people feel successful with the great job title. Till they are made redundant, and then they may feel like a failure.
For others happiness and success is represented by a happy relationship. Which is great, unless your partner decide to leave you. And then?
I don’t think that there is anything wrong with wanting a great job, a lovely relationship or plenty of money. I want all of these things too. It is only when we base our “identity” on it that we have a problem.
It is a problem because we are giving something external the power to make us feel happy and successful. We have no control over it.
What if you were to change your belief?
I am suggesting a different modus operandi, a different way to approach life.
Instead of “having, doing and in the end being”, what if were to start at the end?
What if choose to believe that you can be happy and successful now? As you are, wherever you are with whatever you have. Doing what you are doing.
What if you decided to be “successful”, and then you went about doing and having?
I can almost hear your thoughts. “What is he talking about? I can’t just choose to be successful, can I?”
Of course you can, actually you are already doing it.
Think about it. When did you decide that doing or having something would mean you are successful?
Isn’t just an arbitrary rule that you (either consciously or unconsciously) choose as you grew up?
Look at your beliefs about success. When did you choose them? Did you choose them, or were they someone else’s? Are you trying to prove something to someone? To yourself or to others?
What if you were to believe that you are successful just for being?
And as you already are successful, whatever you choose to do or not do, have or not have, will not shape “who” you are.
Wouldn’t that be great?
Easy said, right? You are probably thinking something like;
Ok, even if I wanted to change my belief about Success, how do I go about it?
Well, as we said before, the first step is to acknowledge your current belief.
Once you are aware of them, ask yourself; “Where did I learn this?” “Whose voice can I hear inside me?” You will be surprised by the answer at times.
I remember once doing a one on one session on a similar topic with a lady. As she busily listing all the things that needed to happen for her to feel successful, I interrupted her with a simple question: “Whose voice are you hearing now?”
She was startled for a second, and before even realizing it she replied “My mother’s….” And her eyes went wide with surprise as she never realized it before. She was trying to become successful according to her mother’s model. Not her own. An impossible task.
I think that so many people are always so anxious to be successful, without even really stopping and checking what does that mean.
What do you need to feel successful? (And remember that is just a feeling, you can experience at any time you want).
Try this exercise:
1. Write down a list of things that you think you need to feel successful, leaving some space between each line.
2. After you have finished writing the list, go back to the beginning and ask yourself this question for each item: “How having or doing this does makes me successful? Where did I pick up this belief?” This will uncover a deeper belief.
3. Repeat the question for any subsequent belief that comes up.
4. Read through your answers and look for learning about yourself and what is important for you to experience in life.
Would you like to start discovering your limiting beliefs about success?
You can either book a one on one session with us, or you can download your free Belief Buster Workbook here.